my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
