I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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