He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
