Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
