There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
