Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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