DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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