so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
