there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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