dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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