dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
