he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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