my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
