Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
