I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
how drunk are you?
Several
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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