So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I believe in your delicious
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
