The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
