so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
