I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
