Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
barbara walters just said penis...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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