Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
