Moan for me like Helen Keller
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
