Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
