you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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