During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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