ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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