do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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