You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
