Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
