I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
