Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
