It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
