How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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