can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
