And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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