We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
