I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
