Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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