if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
