lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
