I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You made out with two different species that night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
