I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
