I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
