I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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