Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
