last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
