Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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