to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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