you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
