ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
