I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
